Quiet in Therapy

[Mary S]

Hearing Milck's "Quiet" on radio this International Women's Day got me thinking and led to this:

 

QUIET IN THERAPY

 

I told T1 I was quitting.

She said, “You expect too much.”

I was stunned and quiet.

 

I told T2 I was somewhat shy.

She said I gave up my power.

I was stunned and quiet.

 

I told T2 that a co-worker’s behavior was inappropriately intimate.

She said I had a problem with intimacy.

I was stunned and quiet.

 

T2 said that what I needed was

“Something like a mold that a brick was made in.

When the mold is removed, the brick retains the shape of the mold.”

I was stunned and quiet.

 

I told T2 that I was getting worse, not better, in therapy.

She said that was because I was facing difficult things in therapy.

I was stunned and quiet.

 

Again, I told T2 that I was getting worse, not better.

She said, “My client’s pain is precious to me.”

I was stunned and quiet.

 

I asked T2 why she said something.

She said, “Are you sure you’re not second guessing me?”

I was stunned and quiet.

 

Again, I asked T2 why she said something.

She said, “Do you realize you are asking me to give up my control?

I was stunned and quiet.

 

I told T3 something I though was important for her to consider.

She laughed and said, “Oh, you make things so complex!”

I was stunned and quiet.

 

I told T3 I was quitting therapy with her.

She said, “You’ll never get better if you keep seeking the perfect therapist.”

I was stunned and quiet.

 

I told Tn that my life experience was different in many ways from his.

He said, “I think you’re harming yourself by focusing on our differences; you need to focus more on our similarities.”

I was stunned and quiet.

 

 

 

 

[Eve B]

What could a client say to a therapist to stun them back and make them think twice before blurting out more harmful words? I'd be seethingly silent too if a therapist said something that really offended me, and I'd also give him a death glare for my remaining time!

[Mary S]

12 hours ago, Eve B said:

What could a client say to a therapist to stun them back and make them think twice before blurting out more harmful words?

I once did manage to say something that at least the therapist (my worst) didn't respond to. She had said, "You seem to think this should be an intellectual discussion", with a tone of disdain on the word "intellectual". I responded, "I think it should be in part an intellectual discussion, because I am in part an intellectual person." (My response was really an understatement -- I was in therapy partly to learn to deal better with the stereotype that women aren't capable of being good thinkers; she seemed to share that stereotype, and champion "intuition" or whatever rather than thinking.)        

12 hours ago, Eve B said:

 I'd be seethingly silent too if a therapist said something that really offended me, and I'd also give him a death glare for my remaining time!

I wasn't seethingly silent -- I was shocked-silent. But I'm not into giving death glares.

[Eve B]

10 hours ago, Mary S said:

But I'm not into giving death glares.

If I'm not provoked into giving them a death glare, then my second preference would be the "Why are you such a doofus  " glare! 

[Mary S]

13 hours ago, Eve B said:

If I'm not provoked into giving them a death glare, then my second preference would be the "Why are you such a doofus  " glare! 

I think it's that I'm just not into giving glares.

[Eve B]

I've yet to meet a therapist who didn't want to lock eyes. To me, it felt like a control thing on their part, especially when nobody's talking during session. They say it's their way of holding their client's "precious pain," but I think there are other motives.Too much quiet in therapy usually means a disconnection. So how would you break the silence if words aren't getting the message across?

[Mary S]

56 minutes ago, Eve B said:

I've yet to meet a therapist who didn't want to lock eyes. To me, it felt like a control thing on their part, especially when nobody's talking during session. They say it's their way of holding their client's "precious pain," but I think there are other motives.Too much quiet in therapy usually means a disconnection. So how would you break the silence if words aren't getting the message across?

I don't know if this is directed at me in particular or not. I don't think that I was ever in the situation of "wanting to break the silence when words weren't getting the message across". My experience of words not getting my message across to the therapist was typically that I would say something, and the therapist would say something like, "You mean [something other than what I was trying to say]", or something else that shocked me into silence, and the therapist would then continue with their own agenda.