"What I Wish Someone Had Told Me About How Therapy Actually Works"

[Mary S]

I just came across a website with the title above.

Scrolling down a bit,  I came to the sentence, "Male or female, therapists do not judge you. They want you to feel free to be yourself and say what’s on your mind without mincing words."

This does not at all describe my therapy experience. So often, in my experience, when I tried to express myself honestly, I was met with disapproval, or a shocking reply.

The thread https://therapytheclientside.invisionzone.com/topic/246-client-therapist-relationship/ has a number of examples of therapist behavior that doesn't fit with the quote above.

 

[PsychoLogical]

I'll have to see if I can find the reference, but I do recall reading that many times therapists will be under the false impression that their clients are being open and honest with them, and that when they leave or discontinue therapy, it's because they've been healed or have recovered, when in many instances, it's actually that the client didn't want to hurt the therapist's feelings so they went along with whatever they were told to do, and because they didn't want to disappoint them, they wouldn't tell the therapist when things weren't helping or if they felt any other negative or unhelpful thoughts/feelings about the therapy. I know in my experience, that I didn't want to hurt a therapist's feelings, so I wouldn't tell them directly that they weren't helping me, or the methods didn't seem to do much, or that they weren't doing anything or telling me anything I didn't already know or couldn't find in a book or online myself. I would leave therapy feeling it was mostly a waste of time without actually ever explicitly telling the therapist that. While I'd mostly agree that therapists try and project the "Male or female, therapists do not judge you. They want you to feel free to be yourself and say what’s on your mind without mincing words", attitude, there are many factors that would prevent this. In most any relationship, it takes time to build up a rapport and a trust with someone to be comfortable enough to tell them personal problems/thoughts/feelings/struggles. I think most people, especially people who would be in therapy, are probably sensitive and empathetic to others, so they would be unlikely to be direct and assertive with a therapist, letting them know they didn't like them, or weren't being helped, or challenging the therapists claims or behaviors. I'd add too, that there's so much to slog through that most clients wouldn't have the time or knowledge to be able to fact-check every claim. As I also mentioned above, most clients will be in deference to the almighty therapist, because they're the ones with the supposed knowledge, experience, wisdom, insight and training to be able to help you through any and all problems you're facing. Given that clients are coming to therapists for help and relief of mental/emotion anguish, they're probably just wanting to do what they're told as quickly as possible to help ease the struggling and suffering, or at least feel happy to have someone to talk to or unburden themselves with.

Apart from all that, I think that, to be frank, it's complete bullshit that therapists "don't judge you". I don't think it's possible to never judge anything. We're constantly assessing, evaluating and judging everything all the time. It's part of how we function as humans. Sure, therapists are probably trained and taught how to project an appearance of "unconditional positive regard" towards their clients, and how to "listen without judgment", but does that mean they never, ever, have any kind of opinion of their clients? Or that they never judge them whatsoever? No way. For as many methods or schools of psychological thought that propound this whole non-judgmental, empathetic, loving, accepting attitude, there are probably a whole host of methods and therapists who believe that it's unnecessary for that, or even detrimental. I know there are some therapies that involve being confrontational and possibly antagonistic toward clients. It seems to me that there are innumerable branches of supposed therapeutic methods and psychological thought, that anyone (and this isn't really an opinion, it's what they've done) can make up a therapy, name it, brand it, trademark it, then start their own institute or school and charge money to be trained in it. What they need to do first and foremost, before allowing anyone to start practicing anything, is to understand mental illnesses, the etiology of them, and how to objectively diagnose them without fuzzy and mostly subjective questionnaires. Instead, we have scores of medications, therapies, beliefs, etc., all claiming to be able to treat these problems, and not really doing a better job than chance, or leaving things alone, or taking up a hobby, or talking to a friend.

[Mary S]

I agree with most of what you say, but take issue with this:

" What they need to do first and foremost, before allowing anyone to start practicing anything, is to understand mental illnesses, the etiology of them, and how to objectively diagnose them without fuzzy and mostly subjective questionnaires. "

 

My problem with this is that I think what you describe is most likely impossible, simply because there is so much variation between individual human beings. So I think that one thing therapists need to do is to refrain from the believe that they "understand" people or mental illnesses. Instead, therapists need work with the client to work toward goals that the client thinks are worthwhile (unless, of course, the client's goals are unethical, in which case the therapist needs to tell the client that.) 

[Mary S]

To continue: Client-directed, outcome informed therapy does seem to take this approach. For more information, see https://www.slideshare.net/scottdmiller/what-is-client-directed-outcome-informed