Sylvester McMonkey McBean

not always what i experience either, but did expect at times because my ex-T was suppose to be the 'wiser and more mature' of the two of us in the relationship....or so i naively thought. this is why i almost wonder if these vignettes are even true stories in the first place and do have my suspicions...

thought this was an interesting read about therapist reactions to being 'ghosted' by clients. https://psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/1243/getting-ghosted-by-clients?utm_source=Silverpop&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=070817_pn_i_rt_WIR_noonthrottled clearly Ts can be quite sensitive to it when a client does it to them, and i thought in these stories, the Ts seem to handle it in a mature manner. but what about when the tables are turned and a Ts ghosts a client? what is their analysis and reasoning for it then? what is the 'therapeutic opportunity' of a T doing this to a client? this seems like another example of 'do as i say, not as i do' in therapy...

along a similar theme to the book adam mentioned, but in regards to depression and antidepressants is 'The Emperors New Drug's:Exploding the Antidepressant Myth ' by Irving Kirsch. definilty an eye opening account into big pharma, clinical drug trials, and the AD industry. it is a must read if one is contemplating, questioning, or doubting taking AD for their depression. The Emperor's New Drugs: Exploding the Antidepressant Myth

interesting article mary. i am familiar with gaslighting, which was an unfamiliar term until i started reading more about how it can be used in therapy, thus realising that i had experinced it with my T on many occasions. although, i have not heard of inadvertent/unintentional gaslighting, i can definilty see that my T perhaps did some of that as well. although, the thing that struck me in the article, which was written by a clinical T on a counseling website, is that his gaslight example to me sounds no different then what the very dynamics of the therapeutic relationship can become. especially those T relationships fought with strong transference/counter transference between the client and T, which can be more about meeting the Ts needs than helping the client: are my views of this too tainted and biased by the past harm caused to me by my T or do others recognise this as well in the dynamics of therapy and the therapeutic relationship?? and i am not saying that the T is trying to exploit the client for sex (like in the example above), but i can clearly see a T doing this to exploit the client to keep them hooked into therapy to continually fulfill emotional and/ or finial needs of the T.

this conversation could not have come at a better time...just today i read an article about how therapy (especially couples therapy) can be helpful to reduce PMS symptoms: https://theconversation.com/men-can-help-women-deal-with-their-pms-76401 seriously?? maybe i am being a bit too cynical, but can't say i am going to pay a T $100 plus per hour to help with something that woman have had to deal with monthly for thousands and thousands of years due to hormonal changes. i can definilty think of better ways to spend that money to help alleviate any PMS symptoms i may be suffering from... just goes to show that perhaps Ts are getting quite desperate if they are willing to take on a client due to PMS.

i would love to know what my ex-T wrote about me and compare it to the records i kept in my journals. my gut tells me that he was way off more times than not...

welcome WS74 glad you found us and no need to worry about having extreme views about all things therapy. i, for one, welcome your contribution. i have found this site and the input from fellow members quite helpful as i had been working my way through my own messed up therapy journey for the past year. i literally, 10 days ago, just ended an almost 6 year therapy relationship and don't think i could have done it as gracefully as i did if it wasn't for this site and knowing that there were others who felt similar to me in regards to how harmful therapy can be.

i too am really bothered with the term resistance in therapy and how incompetent Ts are happy to quickly throw the term at any client who is not producing the results that the T wants to see instead of pondering if it could be due to something else...i.e, the Ts lack of skills or understanding (especially when it comes to truama). there have been many times that i may have appeared to be 'resistant' to the therapy process and methods that my T was using with me, when in actuality there have been perfectly good reasons (some even physiological/ neurological) due to the damage that my early trauma has caused and T ended up frustrated at me because of his lack of understanding and trying to fit me into the models that he knew and was trained in (which were not truama related). so many misunderstandings and damage can be caused to the client by this kind of incompetency, but that is ok...it wasn't the Ts fault, the client was just being 'resistant'.

thanks mary for sharing this link. i'm definitely curious to have a read through it. although my T does not usually give a DSM diagnosis or a label, he will suggest or interpret both conscious and unconscious motivations of mine. there are times where i find myself in disagreement with his interpretations and i am sure a T would put that down to me being resistant, but for me it is probably more of a reaction to the power-play that i may be sensitive to that is playing out with my T.

yup! did my bit already and thought it was put together very well. it will be interesting to see the results when they publish them in the future.

thanks for sharing this list. #4 and #14 definilty hits the nail on the head with the experince of my T. he has definitly let his own needs get the way many times and i often wonder who is benefiting more from my sessions...him or me? and i am still trying to get him to fully help me with the issues that i originally came to T with over 5 years ago, but for some reason he keeps thinking that i need to address the mum issues instead of dealing with my truama memories and symptoms.

thanks for the links mary. looking at the 50 signs of bad thereapy, and this one stood out to me: Therapist “feeds you fish, rather than helping you to fish for yourself.” i reckon this happens in a lot of therapy-client relationships and leads to a lot of dependency on the T. looking back over the years, i think my T did this more times than not. there are not too many instances that i can think of where he actually taught me to fish, but it has felt more often than not that he was only throwing meager crumbs at me to satiate me from session to session to get me hooked and to come back over and over again for more.

hehe...it's not easy being green

therapist are... more messed up than their clients.

agreed

agreed! my T kind of frowns on the various psych forums and is not particularly keen of me reading or posting on them. he thinks they can be negative and possibly unhelpful for the client in regards to the therapy and the relationship (causing more harm than good due to misconceptions or bad advice) which i strongly disagree with him on. i have discovered so much valuable information in regards to the mysteries of therapy, transference, counter transference, how others generally experince T, and what 'good' and 'bad' therapy/therapist can be like. i have also experienced extra support (especially when T has been away on extended holidays or in times when i know it would be useless to reach out to him) and have learned other healing alternatives that do not involve talk T. i do wonder if he also fears me finding information like what may be talked about on this forum? boy, if he only knew that i have found this forum....hehe... i know he definilty wouldn't care for the topics discussed here and would frown upon it. but when you think about it, that is a bit unfortunate, because if i were a T, to help make myself a wiser T, i would want to know and understand what the clients were saying, both good and bad. it's about understanding your key customers, the ones who pay for their service and fund their incomes. perhaps that is why Ts are Ts and not businessmen/women.

thank you so much for starting this forum. i have not been able to find a place like this where i feel i can safely discuss some of my uncertainties and doubts about the efficacy of my own therapy without worrying that i will be 'attacked' by the naysayers. it will be nice to meet and talk among others who have had similar experiences so we can bring this more out into the open.