Reasons I Don't Trust Therapists

[Mary S]

Today i came across the following that I wrote a couple of years ago and had forgotten about, so thought it might be good to post here. I'm wondering how much on this list is just me, and how much fits with other clients' experience.

REASONS I DON’T TRUST THERAPISTS

Please note: This is a list of things that (at least, if I am behaving rationally) prompt me not to trust a therapist who does them. I am not claiming that all therapists do all the things on the list. However, in my experience (based on my personal efforts at therapy and also on my reading about therapists), most therapists do at least some of these. Also note that these reasons are a matter of being misguided or of lacking adequate competence, rather than having ill intentions. (I am aware that some of these reasons are correlated, overlap, or are different facets of a broader classification. Still, I think it's worthwhile to articulate these different facets.)

1. They don’t seem to care very much about informed consent – or else are not very good at translating their caring into behavior.

2. They don’t seem to care much about giving reasons for what they do – or else just give vague reasons such as, “because I think it will help you,” or  “I’m interested in …,” or “I’m trying to understand you.”

3. They seem to think in coarse-grained terms (e.g., control, power, warmth, healing, anxiety, depression), which shuts out people such as myself who see the world in finer-grained terms.

4. They seem to have some agenda of their own that interferes with their ability to help. (Examples: Satisfying their need for intimacy; gratifying their interest or curiosity; seeing the client as raw material to mold or shape; being appreciated for their self-perceived warmth, insight, etc.; being confrontational; emphasizing similarities, to the neglect of differences; being “creative”; having fun, even if it’s at the client’s expense)

5. They often think (or at least express their thoughts) in black-and-white terms, thereby shutting out clients such as myself who see things in shades of gray.

6. They often jump to conclusions with little or no evidence.

7. They seem to attribute something to a single cause, rather than considering possible interacting factors, or possible alternate causes.

8. They look for, and then ascribe significance to, patterns – without considering that we humans often see patterns that aren’t there, or that patterns can occur simply due to chance.

9. They seem overconfident.

10. They focus too much on “want,” “like,” and “feel,” to the exclusion of thinking (e.g., weighing pros and cons, considering alternative explanations, considering consequences), questioning their assumptions, accepting uncertainty, and accepting not knowing.

11. They seem to see you as a stereotype or other creature of their imagination. (e.g., they give you permission for the opposite of what you are trying to give yourself permission for, or try to reassure you about the opposite of what you are concerned about; or tell you that you feel, want, or think something other than what you feel, want, or think.)

12. They assume the liberties of a friend without having earned a friendship.

13. They seem dismissive of what is important to you.

14. They don’t seem to care about helping you with the problems you came to therapy to work on, but seem to regard those problems as nuisances that you are uncooperatively injecting into therapy.

15. They seem to give you the message to leave important parts of yourself outside of their office when you come in the door.

16. Instead of acknowledging and respecting individual differences, they seem to think these are something to either deny or hide or change.

17. They regard something claimed in a professional journal as proven, without giving any thought to the quality or adequacy of the evidence backing up the claim.

[here today]

It seems to me these are some realistic reasons for caution from a client's perspective -- not just that I, or any client, has unrealistic expectations, "trust issues", paranoia, etc.  Something that could help clients new to therapy not to err on the other side of a "trust issue" -- blindness to the reality of the "authority", denial of their flaws and imperfections, etc.  These may be flaws or faults that I had going into therapy, but -- they were what I went into therapy with.  Seems like there could be another method to address those problems rather than the client getting trampled on -- "again", from a reenactment perspective.

[Sylvester McMonkey McBean]

thanks for sharing this list. #4 and #14 definilty hits the nail on the head with the experince of my T.  he has definitly let his own needs get the way many times and i often wonder who is benefiting more from my sessions...him or me?  and i am still trying to get him to fully help me with the issues that i originally came to T with over 5 years ago, but for some reason he keeps thinking that i need to address the mum issues instead of dealing with my truama memories and symptoms.