Happynow

2 hours ago, Mary S said:

This more or less fits my experience with therapy. Someone I worked with had one day come into my office and started talking in a rather aggressive manner that seemed to be sexist (in the sense of denigrating women; not anything sexual) . i was  feeling pretty uncomfortable, intimidated, whatever, but trying not to show my emotions because he clearly wasn't a good person to talk about my feelings with. But then he said, "You seem reluctant to show your feelings," which seemed totally inappropriate for the work place to me. I started having nightmares and daymares about the incident. After a few months, I decided to try therapy. But the therapists seemed act very much like the coworker. (I later found out from a woman I worked with that he and his wife had been having marital therapy at the time of the incident. So I guess he was in some sense acting like a therapist.)

Hi Mary S, Yes that's very much a classic version of a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Imo this also applies to many therapists who have learnt it from a book or a course, no life or street experience, very dangerous too.

If you look at the reality of your experience you are mentally stable and disturbed by two people that weren't. I'm not saying that to make you feel better but because it's the truth. Neither of them spoke the truth, but you did. In my experience it's only the truth and reality that works. They didn't have that but you did. Take care.

On 5/20/2021 at 5:18 AM, MoonFrog said:

Hi all,

im hurting. My therapist lied a year ago to have me locked up in the hospital and refuses to take accountability for it. I wrote about it and posted it to try to get her to respond but she’s evidently going to deny that she did anything wrong. I can’t work or fully function like an adult because of this. Just needed to vent. 

Hi Moonfrog, I'm not surprised you wanted to vent! What has amazed me is the number of therapists that do not take any responsibility for their behaviour. Often I believe we end up in therapy because someone in our private lives (adult, childhood or both) hasn't taken responsibility for their behaviour and we pick up that responsibility and experience guilt and shame. We need a safe place to go where a therapist will be responsible, recognise the issue and help us work through it. Instead we often get a repeat of the behaviour by the therapist that had brought us to therapy. This doubles our guilt and makes clear thinking virtually impossible. I've had this experience with a therapist and it took me a year when I returned to depression before I had the courage to see another one. Understandably I had the fear that she would be irresponsible too. Tbh she wasn't very good either but not as irresponsible as the previous one. Luckily I was gaining experience of therapy and therapists and started to believe that it wasn't me but them. I gained self confidence through this knowledge to the point where I was able to reject them and this was the simple answer. Reject them because they aren't good enough! I immediately felt more powerful and in control and ready for the next one. If they weren't good enough I would reject them too!...and I did. I gained more confidence and I was able to believe in myself more than them. When we feel wretched it doesn't make them competent, we need safety and are willing to be vulnerable, this is how it should be. However in reality it's not always like that and after years of therapy experience I have become more objective but still able to switch to openess and vulnerability if I feel safe. Although always with the knowledge that they may change suddenly and blame me/us. However bad you feel please don't believe in anyone else more than yourself because with all our qualities added up they are no better than us and many a lot worse. Good luck, lots of love.  

Thank you Eve B. I've already related quite astonishingly to Hurt by Therapys story, really helpful to me

Hi everyone, I'm so glad I found this forum so I can express my experiences, good and bad. Until now the therapist had her Supervisor we had no one else to talk to when they hurt us. Thank you again.