Happynow

Often an abuser has been abused themselves and it maybe hard for them to think this is wrong. A victim may also think their abuser is right and they are wrong which isn't true, but this false belief needs to be examined before healing is possible.

Being on the receiving end of abuse may not always be clear in the mind of a victim. Especially if the victim has suffered long term damage, has compassion for the abuser or has suffered neglect as a child. To try and understand an abuser could be a way of controlling the abuse, stopping it and to achieve a result where everyone is happy. In theory this would sound ok but this would be difficult to achieve if the victim has suffered psychological damage for a long period. A desire to help may also stem from a fear of personal harm if the abuser is punished leading to revenge toward the victim. Original childhood neglect may be the motivation for the victim to concentrate on helping the abuser instead of helping himself.

I don't know what percentage of abusers go to therapy for help. I guess it's a big step to come to the conclusion what they are doing is wrong and an even bigger step to have the courage to seek help. Just like every client there are risks, but a professional therapist should be unbiased, non judgemental and certainly not abusive. However we know from these boards that this doesn't always happen. I would imagine victims of abuse are more likely to seek help, but solving the problem would be difficult if they are dependant on the abusers. In a case like this the local authorities would need to get involved.

I have realised that with many disagreements in life people like to have more numbers on their side to win an argument. This doesn't make them right after all it isnt a democratic situation, but a sharing of different opinions. When there are one to one's and power is shared it is far easier to be assertive and also to reach a compromise. Therapy is an illusion that this is a one to one too. With the gentle, listening, empathic therapist sitting opposite us. However it isnt. When there are differing opinions we soon realise that they are not alone, but we are. It is likely we haven't told a single soul we are going to see a therapist either. They have their supervisor, their rules, boundaries and the whole weight of the therapy industry including legal representation if required. We have nothing. Forums like this are so important to make us realise we are not alone and that support, certainly for me, has been wonderful in regaining my confidence against the might of the therapy industry.

Although we are critical of therapists because of the harm they have caused I think we are all aware of how complex our minds are. Therapists think they know the answers but often they don't, in fact often it's quite the reverse. With this in mind I think we are cautious of offering specific advice even though posters may be looking for that. We have been damaged and the last thing we would want to do is damage someone else with wrongful advice. Rather coming here is a meeting place for those with common experiences where we converse on an equal basis with each other. One thing I have learnt is that deep in our minds we already know the answers and those answers rise to the surface when we talk and others listen. This seems to be more natural and free from damage as we are in control and working with our own boundaries.

Hi Finley, Welcome! Don't worry you won't be criticised here, just post in your own time when you're ready. This place is the opposite to harmful therapy.

Welcome Lexie it's good here, sometimes a little quiet, but quality is better than quantity. The one thing that is required in therapy is consistency from the therapist. It needs to be a safe place. That is the therapists responsibility. If he has changed its his responsibility definitely not yours. I'm not surprised you are confused that reaction is completely normal. I've learnt that if a person is irresponsible we walk away we don't spend time thinking about it because that just increases our anxiety. There are plenty more around and if the next one doesn't work we move on to the next and so on. Good luck.

To actually not listen is both rude and shows very poor social skills in everyday life yet alone in therapy. I really find that quite incredible. A mind already made up is a very narrow one. I can't see where the therapist can grow as a person so therefore cannot possibly help their clients.

Then I'm guessing we are at the mercy of their life experience which is hugely variable.

Welcome RF5. After a while here you will realise you are alright and the therapist needs therapy.

Ironically they learn from us not the other way around even though they grab the higher ground for appearances and to try and gain authority. IMO it's their defence mechanism.

Trip, I have been happy to find this forum too. For me it has been more beneficial than most of the therapists I have seen. One could be forgiven thinking that this forum is littered with crazy people kicked out by therapists. Absolutely the opposite. Posters on here are sane, stable and intelligent and of course they are extremely helpful because they all experienced the same issues with therapists we have. Therapists, believe me, they are the crazy ones. Good luck on your journey.

Therapists are The/rapists of our minds.

Welcome ifyouknowmenoyoudont. I haven't been here very long, but already I have found it hugely helpful with my healing. It appears to me the further we are away from therapists the better we become. This gives us confidence in our inner resources. Good wishes.

This is the problem. If they do harm, which they often do they do not take any responsibility. Doing so would conflict with their 'perfect appearance' they like to project. Those who still like therapists after they have harmed a client are sucked into and believe this 'perfect appearance' bs. Therapists are quite often completely wrong.