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Happynow

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  1. Welcome ifyouknowmenoyoudont. I haven't been here very long, but already I have found it hugely helpful with my healing. It appears to me the further we are away from therapists the better we become. This gives us confidence in our inner resources. Good wishes.
  2. This is the problem. If they do harm, which they often do they do not take any responsibility. Doing so would conflict with their 'perfect appearance' they like to project. Those who still like therapists after they have harmed a client are sucked into and believe this 'perfect appearance' bs. Therapists are quite often completely wrong.
  3. I don't think we can win with a therapist. If we get on well they get terrified they will get struck off and if we don't get on it ain't gonna work. I personally find it completely unnatural to be in a room every week for months, to talk about our innermost feelings, and not to get close, attached. I think that is healthy and normal. Hurt by therapy was completely right and normal to say she was like a friend. In my job as a support worker we have a term called 'professional friendship' which I like, but I have made personal friendships. Even with that I still did my job professionally. Therapists have too many hang ups and these hang ups are what disturbs the clients.
  4. I was between a rock and a hard place. I wanted to get better but was really concerned about getting discarded again. I didn't know what other type of treatment to have. The major point of my concern was if I told the new therapist about my last therapist that she would be on her side and I would be distraught. That's why it took me a year to go to another one. A year when my depression came back. Eventually I didn't have a choice and I took the plunge. Luckily she agreed with me phew! This highlights the problem that clients badly hurt by therapy have simply nowhere to go (apart from here) whilst therapists have their Supervisor to support them. A crazy situation.
  5. Those three points are for me the definition of good mental health and a stable mind. We had all three before we became disturbed, generally by someone else's irrational behaviour in real life. We still had some common sense left though and sought help from someone who advertised they could help us with our situation. Unfortunately the therapists often don't possess any of those three points and disturb us further until we get to the point where we say 'Shes mad I'm ok' is that how it's supposed to work? A kind of reverse psychology??
  6. Can you imagine a hospital throwing someone out with a broken leg? That's what it was like for me and I guess I'm by far not the only one. They operate in flight not fight mode. The worst part being that they take no responsibility for their actions. They even have the arrogance to hide under the word 'professionalism' when many of them are dangerous amateurs. My therapist did help me a lot for nine months then she suddenly changed, withdrew her support and discarded me like a bit of rubbish. I returned to depression for another year until I found a therapist who said her actions were wrong. By this time though I didn't trust anyone.
  7. Hi HelloUniverse000, A really good friend became a therapist and I also worked for a therapist. I like to think that most therapists do it for the right reasons, but I haven't met one who didn't have issues. In fact I think although they do it to help others they are also searching for their own answers. We seek wisdom from them but sadly most of them don't possess it. I believe that is why their training is rigid and narrow. If it wasn't their emotional immaturity/ arrested development will shine through. I certainly saw that with both the therapists I knew personally. I was lucky to have that insight and it helped me to view the therapists I saw professionally in a more realistic way. I have definitely received more wisdom and stability from friends who weren't therapists, those people who have suffered too and not read a book. Looking back because I have finished therapy now I think therapy has helped me because I was desperate to offload in a weekly way which I couldn't do with friends, but I would advise anyone going into therapy that they (the ones I saw anyway)are not reliable or passionate about what they do. It's a real tricky one. We need to be vulnerable, but not defenceless.
  8. A male friend of mine went to see a therapist and one day after a few sessions complimented her on her appearance. She asked him if he secretly liked dressing in women's clothes.
  9. My first reaction was to laugh, but this stuff is seriously worrying. If we were seeing someone at the end of the pier on a fun day out at the seaside we would be light-hearted about it, but these are supposed to be highly trained professionals. I do wonder how many families, relationships they have destroyed and how many clients have taken their own lives because of them.
  10. This is so true. It's like they have set themselves up on a pedestal of knowing all the answers, but they don't know what life experiences the person opposite them has had. They think three years studying from a book gives them more knowledge than fifty years life experience. So when they get challenged they feel threatened instead of being open and considering different ideas. So they become defensive because in their lofty position of a few years training they know all the answers. The client is there for personal growth, but the therapist isn't and if the challenge continues they either say we are crazy or they throw us out or both. Often the reason we started therapy was because we have experienced neglect, abandonment and rejection and now they have just repeated it. Great!
  11. When we want stability they give us fantasy, walk away and leave it with us. Then they blame us for its consequences, so irresponsible.
  12. Thank you zygomaticus. It's been amazing so far the opposite of bad therapy. I can feel the guilt flowing from me. How exciting!
  13. Hi Mary S, Yes that's very much a classic version of a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Imo this also applies to many therapists who have learnt it from a book or a course, no life or street experience, very dangerous too. If you look at the reality of your experience you are mentally stable and disturbed by two people that weren't. I'm not saying that to make you feel better but because it's the truth. Neither of them spoke the truth, but you did. In my experience it's only the truth and reality that works. They didn't have that but you did. Take care.
  14. Hi Moonfrog, I'm not surprised you wanted to vent! What has amazed me is the number of therapists that do not take any responsibility for their behaviour. Often I believe we end up in therapy because someone in our private lives (adult, childhood or both) hasn't taken responsibility for their behaviour and we pick up that responsibility and experience guilt and shame. We need a safe place to go where a therapist will be responsible, recognise the issue and help us work through it. Instead we often get a repeat of the behaviour by the therapist that had brought us to therapy. This doubles our guilt and makes clear thinking virtually impossible. I've had this experience with a therapist and it took me a year when I returned to depression before I had the courage to see another one. Understandably I had the fear that she would be irresponsible too. Tbh she wasn't very good either but not as irresponsible as the previous one. Luckily I was gaining experience of therapy and therapists and started to believe that it wasn't me but them. I gained self confidence through this knowledge to the point where I was able to reject them and this was the simple answer. Reject them because they aren't good enough! I immediately felt more powerful and in control and ready for the next one. If they weren't good enough I would reject them too!...and I did. I gained more confidence and I was able to believe in myself more than them. When we feel wretched it doesn't make them competent, we need safety and are willing to be vulnerable, this is how it should be. However in reality it's not always like that and after years of therapy experience I have become more objective but still able to switch to openess and vulnerability if I feel safe. Although always with the knowledge that they may change suddenly and blame me/us. However bad you feel please don't believe in anyone else more than yourself because with all our qualities added up they are no better than us and many a lot worse. Good luck, lots of love.
  15. Thank you Eve B. I've already related quite astonishingly to Hurt by Therapys story, really helpful to me
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