What can abusers do?

[NoTea]

What can abusers do if therapists and resources are collaborating with their abuse and do abuse?

 

The starting point that therapists require or are comfortable with, is dismissive of how abusers are being. When abuse is persistent because rarely conscious, there can seem not much therapy left for abusers who admitted everything and who can stay aware long enough, without too much pain, to talk about it and go to sessions?

 

What's realistic? Nothing as long as most of society, or the groups/pros associated with society, are staying indoctrinatory or affirming cruelty is ok?

 

Separating from abusers isn't realistic for victims who are  dependents because disabilities, and who shelters don't treat better or for long. 

 

This kind of post seemed response inactive on the subreddit, i wondered what kinds of posts are better or similar  here?

[NoTea]

I don't mean to sound sympathetic in a weird way, i just see their abuse seeming mischaracterized, like called perfectly voluntary, given the f-yous of therapy commands, condescended to, not helped usually and in most cases.

 

I'm confused how to say the gentleness and strength of it, with responsibility and blame for example.

 

Maybe my economic limitedness is forcing me to think in this area, but it's not stockholm syndromic sympathy.

 

Is it?, if i see they're in pain or can generalize that denial and attacking and not making sense and not being constructive, is painful?

 

Not being constructive while not being abusive is to me, and when i did smaller versions of abusers, like snapping at people or trying to do 'comebacks', the pain was from the worst.

 

I don't know how to distinguish those abuses either, but the point seems about constructive relationships, which seemed possible by learning and apologies, and a better not pop psy word for boundaries, like respect? (Or, uh, that word gets abused too, like when people say Rodney dangerfield's line without good humor.)

 

So, uh, hm, does this make sense?

 

I thought alot more clarity was needed about explaining, and idk, is help possible for the pain abusers feel? I haven't seen reliable unabused methods, so idk.

 

In my case i thought of the bad i saw, then thought if i did it, and found ways to see how i related. Idk how better that made me, but it seems to go a long way. Getting bullied seemed to too, but that's not suggestable or ok on purpose?

 

Or is it?, if it's the only way to feel some things? I didn't consider if it was ok til now, i objected like 'wouldn't wish on anyone', and particular results aren't guaranteed,

 

but with the stakes of saving lives for the dependent people, is for example going to stay in homeless shelters, ethical? In some areas where there aren't waitlists, so a spot wouldn't be taken?

[Happynow]

On 1/16/2024 at 7:47 AM, NoTea said:

What can abusers do if therapists and resources are collaborating with their abuse and do abuse?

 

The starting point that therapists require or are comfortable with, is dismissive of how abusers are being. When abuse is persistent because rarely conscious, there can seem not much therapy left for abusers who admitted everything and who can stay aware long enough, without too much pain, to talk about it and go to sessions?

 

What's realistic? Nothing as long as most of society, or the groups/pros associated with society, are staying indoctrinatory or affirming cruelty is ok?

 

Separating from abusers isn't realistic for victims who are  dependents because disabilities, and who shelters don't treat better or for long. 

 

This kind of post seemed response inactive on the subreddit, i wondered what kinds of posts are better or similar  here?

I don't know what percentage of abusers go to therapy for help. I guess it's a big step to come to the conclusion what they are doing is wrong and an even bigger step to have the courage to seek help. Just like every client there are risks, but a professional therapist should be unbiased, non judgemental and certainly not abusive. However we know from these boards that this doesn't always happen.

I would imagine victims of abuse are more likely to seek help, but solving the problem would be difficult if they are dependant on the abusers.

In a case like this the local authorities would need to get involved.

[Happynow]

On 1/16/2024 at 8:13 AM, NoTea said:

I don't mean to sound sympathetic in a weird way, i just see their abuse seeming mischaracterized, like called perfectly voluntary, given the f-yous of therapy commands, condescended to, not helped usually and in most cases.

 

I'm confused how to say the gentleness and strength of it, with responsibility and blame for example.

 

Maybe my economic limitedness is forcing me to think in this area, but it's not stockholm syndromic sympathy.

 

Is it?, if i see they're in pain or can generalize that denial and attacking and not making sense and not being constructive, is painful?

 

Not being constructive while not being abusive is to me, and when i did smaller versions of abusers, like snapping at people or trying to do 'comebacks', the pain was from the worst.

 

I don't know how to distinguish those abuses either, but the point seems about constructive relationships, which seemed possible by learning and apologies, and a better not pop psy word for boundaries, like respect? (Or, uh, that word gets abused too, like when people say Rodney dangerfield's line without good humor.)

 

So, uh, hm, does this make sense?

 

I thought alot more clarity was needed about explaining, and idk, is help possible for the pain abusers feel? I haven't seen reliable unabused methods, so idk.

 

In my case i thought of the bad i saw, then thought if i did it, and found ways to see how i related. Idk how better that made me, but it seems to go a long way. Getting bullied seemed to too, but that's not suggestable or ok on purpose?

 

Or is it?, if it's the only way to feel some things? I didn't consider if it was ok til now, i objected like 'wouldn't wish on anyone', and particular results aren't guaranteed,

 

but with the stakes of saving lives for the dependent people, is for example going to stay in homeless shelters, ethical? In some areas where there aren't waitlists, so a spot wouldn't be taken?

Being on the receiving end of abuse may not always be clear in the mind of a victim. Especially if the victim has suffered long term damage, has compassion for the abuser or has suffered neglect as a child.

To try and understand an abuser could be a way of controlling the abuse, stopping it and to achieve a result where everyone is happy.

In theory this would sound ok but this would be difficult to achieve if the victim has suffered psychological damage for a long period. 

A desire to help may also stem from a fear of personal harm if the abuser is punished leading to revenge toward the victim.

Original childhood neglect may be the motivation for the victim to concentrate on helping the abuser instead of helping himself.

 

 

 

[Happynow]

Often an abuser has been abused themselves and it maybe hard for them to think this is wrong.

A victim may also think their abuser is right and they are wrong which isn't true, but this false belief needs to be examined before healing is possible.

[Eve B]

I think abused victims (especially if dependent on their abusers) can only be helped if they are willing to leave and there are other outside resources willing to actively intervene to protect them. Unfortunately, it's usually very difficult for both to happen.