How close can non therapistey community care be?

[NoTea]

I mean can people here support each other closer than forum discussion, for example with short or long term needs? 

 

How does this forum compare to others?

[Eve B]

Welcome to the forum, NoTea! I think our community perspective focuses more on harm caused by therapists who don't practice what they preach. That's not to say therapy can't work for *some* if the clients are treated properly. Are you inquiring about short/long term support outside of online forum discussion?

[NoTea]

14 minutes ago, Eve B said:

Welcome to the forum, NoTea! I think our community perspective focuses more on harm caused by therapists who don't practice what they preach. That's not to say therapy can't work for *some* if the clients are treated properly. Are you inquiring about short/long term support outside of online forum discussion?

Yes. The discussion helps, but feels teasing, like awareness is reached, bad things are comforting explained, and then it's like emotional blue balls maybe. That's a bad metaphor, but i mean help feels almost there, or the closest you can get without getting into the unpredictable weeds of individuals, but then given up on as a therapisty reaction, like it's not possible or tryable, or just somehow another ballgame than some ways of standing up to therapists?

 

Idk, I wonder what more is to it, that isn't of-coursey/yes-but-not-the-barrier. if people understanding therapy culture wrongs seem defensive, who would  help? Everyone being mostly unhelped in the most relieving ways, sounds like a not making sense world

Edited November 29, 2023 by NoTea

[Sula]

Being heard and validated is one piece of the puzzle, and I think this forum at times can offer this to people. But in my opinion there is more to processing the harm than only this. In my case, after I had been badly damaged, I rolled the dice and I sought another therapist (luckily a good one this time) who was able to help me. But still, this wasn't the complete solution either. I also did a ton of writing. Talked with friends. In the end, I filed a complaint with the State against the therapist who had harmed me which resulted in her losing her license.

This is all to say, everyone is different but I think if you have been deeply wounded by a therapeutic experience, the road to recovery is both long and includes many different approaches in addition to supportive voices like you can find here. Which is not to downplay the power of this community one bit. I support it 100%! 

[PsychoLogical]

21 hours ago, NoTea said:

Yes. The discussion helps, but feels teasing, like awareness is reached, bad things are comforting explained, and then it's like emotional blue balls maybe. That's a bad metaphor, but i mean help feels almost there, or the closest you can get without getting into the unpredictable weeds of individuals, but then given up on as a therapisty reaction, like it's not possible or tryable, or just somehow another ballgame than some ways of standing up to therapists?

 

Idk, I wonder what more is to it, that isn't of-coursey/yes-but-not-the-barrier. if people understanding therapy culture wrongs seem defensive, who would  help? Everyone being mostly unhelped in the most relieving ways, sounds like a not making sense world

Hi, NoTea, welcome!

It sounds like you are wondering how helpful this forum or discussion with others who haven't been helped with therapy can be, or if many people have been harmed by therapy then who or what will be able to help someone who is struggling? Is that what you are asking?

[NoTea]

47 minutes ago, PsychoLogical said:

Hi, NoTea, welcome!

It sounds like you are wondering how helpful this forum or discussion with others who haven't been helped with therapy can be, or if many people have been harmed by therapy then who or what will be able to help someone who is struggling? Is that what you are asking?

That's some of my questions, thanks, yes

[Eve B]

Do you know what kind of help you want and need from others?  

[NoTea]

11 minutes ago, Eve B said:

Do you know what kind of help you want and need from others?  

I fear shake from your private messages, and from me saying anything after, and maybe from the relaxed ish ness here, but idk how to answer or feel comfortable not answering.

An answer is, people who can be flexible with developing an understanding of a person's differences and needs and aspirations, and also understand widespread disconnection/isolation means nowhere-to-turn problem 

Edited December 2, 2023 by NoTea

[Eve B]

NoTea, it's normal to feel anxious when you've had bad experiences. People can listen, but there are usually limitations to what can be given as support. Online forums tend to be easier for the shy or anti-social to express themselves. We're a small group, and we'll do our best to hear your story.

[disequilibrium1]

I think the value of this and like forums is sharing experiences, which serve to help me feel less alone, particularly after society and therapists presented them as such towering authorities. For the rest, I think we're left to build and rebuild going forward in our own ways. There's a limit to what can happen behind a screen.

 

[PsychoLogical]

I agree with what everyone else has said. This forum provides anonymity and privacy (even more so than therapists), so that you can speak about your experiences, thoughts, opinions, grievances, fears, etc. It can be somewhat of a double-edged sword in that you have the privacy, but also lack the in-person connection. Some people prefer one over the other, others don't mind either way. Because of that it may be easier for some to open up and express themselves because they don't have to do it in person with other people and they don't have to worry about people using their identity or information against them or gossiping to others about it.

But in this forum most of us share a common connection in that we have had bad or unhelpful experiences with therapists or therapy and so we're able to connect with one another through that. We can offer our support, opinions, and general knowledge that we have to help give suggestions or advice to other members. It's ok to feel uncertain or afraid about opening up. You don't have to share anything you don't want to or feel comfortable doing so. You can also choose not to engage with others and just read other's posts.

[Hurt By Therapy]

Just finding this forum and the people in it was very helpful. I felt all alone in a world where everyone thinks therapists belongs on pedestals.

[Happynow]

On 11/29/2023 at 5:23 PM, NoTea said:

Yes. The discussion helps, but feels teasing, like awareness is reached, bad things are comforting explained, and then it's like emotional blue balls maybe. That's a bad metaphor, but i mean help feels almost there, or the closest you can get without getting into the unpredictable weeds of individuals, but then given up on as a therapisty reaction, like it's not possible or tryable, or just somehow another ballgame than some ways of standing up to therapists?

 

Idk, I wonder what more is to it, that isn't of-coursey/yes-but-not-the-barrier. if people understanding therapy culture wrongs seem defensive, who would  help? Everyone being mostly unhelped in the most relieving ways, sounds like a not making sense world

Although we are critical of therapists because of the harm they have caused I think we are all aware of how complex our minds are. Therapists think they know the answers but often they don't, in fact often it's quite the reverse.

With this in mind I think we are cautious of offering specific advice even though posters may be looking for that. We have been damaged and the last thing we would want to do is damage someone else with wrongful advice.

Rather coming here is a meeting place for those with common experiences where we converse on an equal basis with each other.

One thing I have learnt is that deep in our minds we already know the answers and those answers rise to the surface when we talk and others listen. 

This seems to be more natural and free from damage as we are in control and working with our own boundaries. 

[PsychoLogical]

On 1/3/2024 at 1:15 AM, Happynow said:

Rather coming here is a meeting place for those with common experiences where we converse on an equal basis with each other.

Exactly, and I think this in itself provides much comfort and possible healing for many of us than any therapist ever did or could.

[Happynow]

19 hours ago, PsychoLogical said:

Exactly, and I think this in itself provides much comfort and possible healing for many of us than any therapist ever did or could.

I have realised that with many disagreements in life people like to have more numbers on their side to win an argument. This doesn't make them right after all it isnt a democratic situation, but a sharing of different opinions. When there are one to one's and power is shared it is far easier to be assertive and also to reach a compromise. 

Therapy is an illusion that this is a one to one too. With the gentle, listening, empathic therapist sitting opposite us. However it isnt. When there are differing opinions we soon realise that they are not alone, but we are. It is likely we haven't told a single soul we are going to see a therapist either. They have their supervisor, their rules, boundaries and the whole weight of the therapy industry including legal representation if required.

We have nothing.

Forums like this are so important to make us realise we are not alone and that support, certainly for me, has been wonderful in regaining my confidence against the might of the therapy industry.