Smiling Girl Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hi! Found my way here from Disequilibrium's blog. It's was great to read her story and now to find this resource. I recently finished with a damaging therapist and am left swirling around in confusion and self-doubt. Hopefully this site will be a salve for me SG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eve B Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 A warm welcome to you, Smiling Girl! Smiling is a sign of healing, and I hope our community can give the kind of supportive healing that can help you move forward and away from that therapist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary S Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Welcome. I'm so sorry that you had a damaging therapy experience. I hope this forum is indeed helpful for you (as it has been for me -- I'm not perfectly over my harmful therapy experiences, and probably never will be entirely, but this website is helping me make progress). We don't all agree on everything, but I think that's part of the value of this forum -- that we can sometimes disagree, but respect that "different strokes for different folks" does fit the reality of the huge variability in what human beings are. In fact, that might be helpful to you in dealing with your self-doubt: There is no "one way is right for everyone," and your own knowledge of yourself is important in figuring out what is helpful (and what is harmful) for you. To me, at least, this is a far safer context than therapy for considering differences -- therapists (in my experience) seem so certain that they know what the client needs. That is so difficult to deal with when it contradicts your own experience -- and they don't even give you any reasons for their opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sylvester McMonkey McBean Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 welcome Smiling Girl i'm glad you found us and hope you find this to be both a supportive and a safe place to share your thoughts. what Mary said above is pretty much spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NonServiam Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 Hello everyone! Yesterday I joined this forum because I also had a bad experience with therapy. It has helped me alot to know that I'm not the only one who has gone through this. It's very valuable that there is a forum about this. PS. English is not my native language, sorry for any mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eve B Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 Welcome, NonServiam! What country are you from? Let us know if you need help understanding anything in the forum, and we'll do our best to translate. Talking with a therapist can be like trying to comprehend a foreign language so we're used to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NonServiam Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 Thanks! I'm from the Netherlands. Fortunately, reading English is no problem for me. But writing is more difficult. Good opportunity to practice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eve B Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 NonServiam, I expected the Netherlands to be a very open-minded and tolerant society so how bad can the therapists be in your country? I remember when I visited northern Belgium (near Antwerp) years ago. I loved their frites and Belgian sugar waffles! I tried learning basic Dutch, but I could read it better than speaking or writing. Is Flemish Dutch the same as Holland Dutch? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sylvester McMonkey McBean Posted January 13, 2018 Report Share Posted January 13, 2018 On 1/9/2018 at 11:55 PM, NonServiam said: Hello everyone! Yesterday I joined this forum because I also had a bad experience with therapy. welcome NonServiam nice to meet you, but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. hope you will find this forum helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NonServiam Posted January 13, 2018 Report Share Posted January 13, 2018 On 10-1-2018 at 5:51 PM, Eve B said: NonServiam, I expected the Netherlands to be a very open-minded and tolerant society so how bad can the therapists be in your country? I remember when I visited northern Belgium (near Antwerp) years ago. I loved their frites and Belgian sugar waffles! I tried learning basic Dutch, but I could read it better than speaking or writing. Is Flemish Dutch the same as Holland Dutch? It looks like the problems with therapists here are not very different than elsewhere. Because ,unfortunately, I recognize a lot of the things I read here and on Disequilibrium's blog. I thinks it's a problem with the profession itself and the power imbalance. Flemish and Holland Dutch are nearly the same. Although it sounds different and some words have a different meaning, which sometimes can lead to funny misunderstandings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eve B Posted January 14, 2018 Report Share Posted January 14, 2018 If the problem is inherent within the therapy profession, then is there a possibility that the solution can be found therein as well? I still think a good therapist can help neutralize the effects of a bad one, but good therapists who would be willing to go above and beyond are the exception not the norm. Maybe empowering clients to not be afraid to voice their bad experiences could help shift the power balance? With greater peer support, it could become the next #metoo movement? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starling Posted February 28, 2018 Report Share Posted February 28, 2018 Hi all, Like some others, I found this site through Disequilibrium's Blog. I've been in and out of therapy for most of my adult life. I had some serious issues that I needed help with and I admit that there were times when therapy was helpful. But there were also times and situations that were seriously damaging (I would say the vast majority of times). I quit therapy for good about 6 months ago. It was with a long time therapist who I was very fond of (and who was at least, not damaging) - but honestly, it was more like an addiction than any real help...and it took a couple of years to reach the point where I could quit. Before that, there were quite a few really bad therapists. I'm mostly over all of it - but I'm still very much interested in hearing other folks experiences and thoughts. I agree with most of what I've read here so far. I question the entire "therapy" model (at least how it's done in the United States) - but I'm at a loss trying to figure out alternatives, especially for folks with serious problems or who are in crisis. Anyway - just saying hi. ~ Starling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eve B Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 Congrats for finding us, Starling! Our community is a bit hidden, but the members here offer a lot of support and honest perspectives. Please feel free to share your opinions on the boards, and if we're sometimes a bit quiet, it just means we're taking a momentary breath of personal mindfulness and introspection! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sylvester McMonkey McBean Posted March 2, 2018 Report Share Posted March 2, 2018 On 3/1/2018 at 12:01 PM, Starling said: I quit therapy for good about 6 months ago. It was with a long time therapist who I was very fond of (and who was at least, not damaging) - but honestly, it was more like an addiction than any real help...and it took a couple of years to reach the point where I could quit. welcome starling this was my experince as well of therapy with my long term ex-T. yes, there were some beneficial moments over the years, but overall, the relationship with my ex-T felt more like an addiction , and a toxic one at that, that i eventually acknowledged that i had to end...overall it was causing more harm than good with no real progress or benefits (except for fulfilling the emotional and monetary needs of my ex-T). similar to you, it took me just over a year to finally build the courage to end and terminate therapy for good. i can't believe that it has been almost a year already since ending! definitly no regrets for doing so either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
here today Posted March 2, 2018 Report Share Posted March 2, 2018 Yes, welcome Starling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therapewpewpew Posted June 1, 2018 Report Share Posted June 1, 2018 I was referred here by somebody on the Talk Therapy subreddit (reddit.com/r/talktherapy). It's good to see a community dedicated to the widespread problems bad therapy is causing. I'll likely share my experience soon but for now I just wanted to say I'm happy to be here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eve B Posted June 2, 2018 Report Share Posted June 2, 2018 Glad to have you join us, therapewpewpew! The perspectives here are really honest yet tolerant, so please make yourself at home, and jump into a topic whenever you're ready! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary S Posted June 2, 2018 Report Share Posted June 2, 2018 5 hours ago, therapewpewpew said: I was referred here by somebody on the Talk Therapy subreddit (reddit.com/r/talktherapy). It's good to see a community dedicated to the widespread problems bad therapy is causing. I'll likely share my experience soon but for now I just wanted to say I'm happy to be here Welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sylvester McMonkey McBean Posted June 4, 2018 Report Share Posted June 4, 2018 welcome therapewpewpew! nice to have you join us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted September 18, 2018 Report Share Posted September 18, 2018 ok I did post to disequilibriums blog a few years ago and will find the links to my posts if people are interested. those posts were some years ago and things move on which is why I am reaching out for some support and ideas now. I have NO desire to get back into therapy btw for reasons I will eludicate later ! Good to be on board ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eve B Posted September 18, 2018 Report Share Posted September 18, 2018 Glad you found us, Iggy! Hopefully, you'll find our community a helpful place to share your thoughts whenever you're ready. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary S Posted September 19, 2018 Report Share Posted September 19, 2018 Welcome, Iggy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sylvester McMonkey McBean Posted September 22, 2018 Report Share Posted September 22, 2018 On 9/19/2018 at 11:18 AM, Iggy said: I have NO desire to get back into therapy btw for reasons I will eludicate later ! welcome iggy! i have no desire to go back to therapy either...so you found the right place to share your story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
echo Posted February 6, 2019 Report Share Posted February 6, 2019 On 4/16/2017 at 10:38 AM, RealityCheque said: ".....You can choose to be broken, if you want. But there are other options. And the other options involve just getting on with life." Hi, another newbie here (I hope it's ok to jump straight in and use part of a quote from another post). I don't think being broken is necessarily a choice. Absorbing cumulative crap year after year, being loaded down with more and more stress, your very essence being poisoned until you reach saturation point.... and then suddenly you can't cope anymore, you can't 'just get on with life.' It turns around, bites you on the arse and suddenly you are in pieces - I don't thing anyone would choose to be mentally unwell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary S Posted February 7, 2019 Report Share Posted February 7, 2019 9 hours ago, echo said: I don't think being broken is necessarily a choice ... I don't thing anyone would choose to be mentally unwell. I agree.We are complex beings; various combinations of our genes, our early environment, and our later environment can affect us in various ways.. We can choose to try to improve, but there are still factors "beyond our control" that may limit how much we can change. But there is also the possibility that something like therapy could help us learn the skills we need to improve. Therapy gives the impression that this is what it is all about. And I think that in some cases it does deliver. But in many cases it does not deliver. There are probably some cases where telling the client something like "You can choose to change," can help the client see possibilities or hope that they did not see before. But one size does not fit all. Good therapy is not one-size-fits-all. But that kind of therapy seems rare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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